shopperpro

Yes, it’s that time of year again when people in search of deals swarm and all retail outlets. Please keep in mind these tips to make your holiday shopping go smoother for you and those around you. As a mystery shopper I tend to spend twice the amount of time in stores and have composed these helpful hints. Yes, I’m a little cranky today - I’m sure you’ll see that for yourself as you read my lucky thirteen.

1. Please do not leave your shopping until the last minute. When you know you only have XX time to find the ‘perfect’ gift and purchase it you are very stressed. Stress means you are more sensitive to the small things that you might shrug off any other day. Please remain calm.

2. Please remember that these are just things you’re buying and the true gifts are the people in your life. I know you want to shower them with things to show your appreciation and love, but fighting someone to death for the last plasma television on display is not the way to go.

3. I don’t care how long you spent in line - delivering a lecture to the cashier at the top of your lungs is not the way to express your displeasure. No matter how long you stood in line there are people behind you now who are wishing you would just shut up and get on with it. You are only perpetuating the cycle of waiting by holding up the line.

4. If you are waiting in line please have your money ready to go when you reach the checkout. Taking ten minutes to hold up the line because you don’t want to break a dollar bill is unacceptable. Stop searching for that last dime in that black hole you call a purse and just fork over the buck.

5. Please just give your money to the cashier. If you are paying with a $50/$100/American Express Platinum card the entire store doesn’t need to know it. They don’t care and are not impressed. The only people impressed by you waving your money around are the pickpockets who have just found their target.

6. Please do not marinate in your chosen scent. Yes, it’s charming that you want to smell like whatever celebrity is currently in vogue, but people in a five-foot radius don’t need to drown in it.

7. I don’t care how horrible your day was. Going somewhere where someone is forced to wait on you to make him or her miserable is low. Store clerks, fast food cashiers, and waitresses do NOT make high wages. Not treating them with respect and courtesy is unacceptable. There is a difference between bad service and nitpicking just because you are in a bad mood.

8. For the love of God control your children. Letting them run amok around a store while you are shopping is irresponsible. The store clerks are not there to baby-sit your brats while you find the perfect pair of pants/shoes. If you are not planning on keeping your children under control please leave them at home and do your shopping later.

9. If you want better service hang up your cell phone. Some stores are instructing their staff NOT to wait on people who are obviously on the phone. They see it as a courtesy to not interrupt their conversations.

10. If you are in line at a fast food establishment know what you want to order. The fifteen people in line behind you are wondering what the hell you were doing waiting in line if you still don’t know what you want. You are obviously a little familiar with the menu because you chose to eat there. If you are undecided step aside and let someone else go first. Don’t ponder for ten minutes while the line piles up behind you or things could get ugly.

11. If stop while out shopping for a snack please do not forget to tip your waiter’s and waitresses. Yes, bad service is one thing, but not leaving a tip because you don’t have to is worse. Wait staff do not make high wages and depend on their tips to pay their bills and do their own shopping.

12. By the same token if you are picking up dinner for your mob please have the consideration to shift your lazy butt out of your car to go inside the restaurant to order. Drive-thrus are simply not equipped to handle multiple customers wanting $30 worth of food. Is it that difficult to park your car and walk the fifteen feet to the door?

13. Speaking of parking - yes, the weather is nasty, but please realize that you may just have to actually walk from your parking space to actually get into the store. Using the handicapped spaces just because it’s raining and you don’t want to get wet is against the law. I hope someone tows your car you lazy slob. I know that as a culture the American people have become lazy, but nowhere is the evidence more prevalent than a mall parking lot. Circling the lot for half an hour because you don’t want to walk an extra fifty feet is ridiculous. Wear some comfortable shoes and suck it up.

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